i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I wear drunk well.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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