woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She even gives head with a lisp.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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