that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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