I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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