Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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