oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I need water and some morals
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
