A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am available for nakedness
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
