So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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