Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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