I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
