Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
