i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
