420 ftw
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
