Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
