I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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