haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
