I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
