shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
