For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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