You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
