Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
