So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
