if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
