I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
