I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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