This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
