And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
