mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Randomize
