I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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