jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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