I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
