the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Pants are for mortals
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
