I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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