I'm drive I can fine osifer
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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