you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
