Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
