i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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