she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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