How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
