I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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