she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The ass gains better be worth it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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