pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
What a dumb baby whore.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
