Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
