checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
