i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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