Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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