They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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