she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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