ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
