she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
