i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
