You're my little dorito
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
