You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
