You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
